dignity, always dignity (1/5/6)
I went on an audition yesterday. I've come to accept that there are times in one's life when a pinnacle is reached and, even though it may not be recognized as such at the time, looking back on that one moment you one day realize that you've experienced something profound in both your life and career. Regarding this particular audition, however, that will never happen.
It was a commercial for Soy Milk. The agent told me they wanted comedic actors
dressed casually (she said nothing about cows). For whatever reason, it was a
busy day on the road of Los Angeles, so after an hour and a half of crawling, I
arrived at the Hollywood casting office and quickly discovered that they had
called in nearly every casually dressed, comedic actor in town. I signed in and
looked at the copy. It was a fairly typical spot describing a happy husband
about to eat his breakfast when he notices that the usual milk has been replaced
by soy. Most of the dialogue went to the woman, left with the responsibility of
explaining the benefits of the product, while my character was lucky enough to
be assigned simple responses like "Hey!" and "Just like that?" and "Charming".
So far so good. The slight catch here is that, even though they're sitting at a
table and poring milk with their hands, they're cows. OK, I've played a
beaver...I can be a cow. I learn the copy and about an hour later I'm brought in
with the actress auditioning for the wife part and we both immediately notice
the bags lined up along one wall of the studio. The casting director explains to
us that, since we're going to be wearing these shopping bags on our heads and no
one would be able to see our mouths anyway, they've prerecorded the dialogue for
us. So all we had to do was wear the bags and pretend to be cows having
breakfast...(sigh)....
I donned the bag and, pulling from my 30 years of commedia and mask work, turned
my head when I was supposed to. When we were finished the casting director said
"great" (oh, I'm sure we were!), I signed out, got back in my car and while
inching back over the hill, in that parking lot affectionately called the
Hollywood Freeway, I reminded myself that, in this business, it only takes one
break to turn things around...
...and I was pretty sure that this one wasn't it!