"A cigarette that bears a lipstick´s traces,
An airline ticket to romantic places,
And still my heart has wings --
These foolish things remind me of you..."
It's silly. It's corny. And it's true. Everything, and I do mean every thing, reminds me of her. Now, I can understand how hearing a certain song might always bring up her image ("I Would Do Anything For Love" by Meatloaf and "Something Good" by the Herman's Hermits are the two surprising front runners in this category) but, when it comes to Katie, every single song I hear is somehow related to or (at least it's obvious to me) is written just about her. Even that old Stevie Wonder song (which I heard today playing on some oldies station and out of a car window) "I Just Called To Say I Love You", a song I always hated before (what's with that cha-cha-cha thing at the end anyway?), made me immediately sigh and think of all the time we've already spent on the phone; oftentimes sexual, occasionally sad, always loving and frequently ending with long, silent spaces where, even though we have nothing more to say to one another, neither of us can quite bring ourselves to be the first to say "good night". I really did use to hate that song..But hearing it now, reminding me of Katie, I can't remember why.
But it's not just music that does it. Last night, as I passed a television broadcasting a hockey game, I paused, once again totally consumed with her. "She loves hockey," I thought to myself, "How much fun it will be to go to a game together...to do everything together..." And then I saw that even the two teams playing had something to do with her and with us; San Jose vs. Los Angeles; her team versus mine. The Kings were winning and I almost called her right then to tease her about it, but I didn't (good thing too, for the Sharks scored two goals in the third and beat LA, 4 to 3...do I even need to mention that never, ever cared at all about hockey before? Funny...I do now...)
And were it just music and hockey, that would still be bad (?) enough, but as I said, it's every thing. I watch a sunset and think of how much more beautiful it would be with her by my side to share in it with me; I eat and wonder what she's eating; I see other women, none of them her, and wish that even just one of them was; I look to the door and the crowd of people there and can almost see her walking between them and into my arms; I see couples who are fighting and couples who are obviously very much in love and wonder how we might look to others, now and forever; I walk to my car and think of her car (this one's understandable...they're both Probes); on the road, driving south towards my home, I imagine myself instead driving north, and to her; and once in my home, I immediately look to where she's been...standing there, laying there, kissing me there; and even though I know that I'm moments away from calling her anyway, I still rush to the phone with its message light blinking, hoping for yet another chance to take in her voice ("Sandey Grinn, Mr. Spielberg would like you to call him tomorrow." damn...); I go to bed and before I sleep I imagine her next to me and later, when I awake, I look over in the bed to where she should be, and will be again.
Seagulls remind me of her too (although I'm not sure why) as do fountains and trees. Everywhere I look. Everything I see. Her. Always her.
Which clearly makes me one hell of a lucky guy!
"The sigh of midnight trains in empty stations
Silk stockings thrown aside, dance invitations
Oh, how the ghost of you clings --
These foolish things remind me of you."