the crazed killer attack birds of westlake (5/16/6)
There's a restaurant in Westlake, CA. that I...ahem...go to
a lot. It has a very nice patio surrounded by pretty plants right next to a
pretty, man-made stream filled with happy (and pretty) fish. Every spring,
families of blackbirds build their nests in the vines surrounding the patio
(last year there were three nests; this year there are five) and not long after
that, the nests are filled with cute, little baby birds waiting to be fed. It
all sounds really neat, doesn't it? Except for one thing; as the mother birds
busy themselves with the responsibilities of motherhood (as in getting the food,
feeding the babies, keeping them warm, etc.), the father birds, rather
surprisingly, transform into
The Crazed Killer Attack Birds of Westlake!!!
While Mom is quietly dropping food into the little chirping faces of her
children, Dad is keeping himself busy by attacking each and every human being
that moves within fifty feet of their nest! In other words, EVERYONE on that
patio becomes a worthy, and eventual, target! The strategy of the birds' attack
seems simple enough; wait until one of the humans turns away for a second and
then fly, beak first, directly into the back of its head! Now, you would think
that, being so very much smarter than them and all, we could easily figure out a
way to thwart their plan and thus avoid being hit by simply not looking away
but, as I mentioned before, there are now FIVE nests surrounding the patio, each
one equipped with its very own feathered felon, perched and poised to pounce and
peck at yet another defenseless diner. And it's not just the five fathers
engaged in this assault either; they've obviously invited their brothers and
neighbors and all the rest of their blackbird cronies to come and join in the
fun; for there must be at least a dozen male birds diving and bombing and flying
all around these five tiny nests. The scene could only be made more bizarre if
someone suddenly piped in the music from Hitchcock's The Birds (except for the
fact that that movie had no music...never mind).
The first time I got hit by one of The Crazed Killer Attack Birds of Westlake I
was immediately surprised to discover two things; one, it really hurts and two,
I obviously must suffer from a very rare, seldom discussed, mental disorder,
Blackbird Turrets (for I immediately started to swear like a Pazuzu possessed NY
cabby)!
I have to admit that, inside the restaurant, looking out at the patio through a
window, it all does look pretty funny... people ducking, swiping the air and
holding the backs of their heads while these tiny, angry flashes of black fly
back and forth between them and overhead. I was there this evening (safe inside)
and, while watching this nature drama continue I tried to imagine what these
little birds could possibly be thinking; I mean, they have to realize how much
bigger we are then them (which probably explains why they go for the back of the
head - you know, to avoid being eaten) and how much potential danger they're in
when they're flying into us. And even though none of the people on that patio
pose any kind of real threat to the nests, the male blackbirds furiously protect
them anyway. This instinct of the male to protect and defend his mate and her
children is obviously so great and so well ingrained that he is willing to risk
everything, including his own life, to make sure they are safe and well. And
this I can understand...
...for the blackbird and I are one in the same!