The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.
- Robert G. Ingersoll

 

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.
- Maya Angelou

 

When defeat is inevitable, it is wisest to yield.
- Quintilian

No one likes to lose. And yet we all have and, no matter how much we fight the inevitable, we all know we will again. And even though it's something that happens to us all, not many of us are very good at it. Oh sure, there are those truly enlightened ones out there who view winning and losing as all part of the same miracle called "life", but when is the last time you ran into one of those people?

No, for most of us, the subject of winning and losing is a pretty serious matter. In fact, for some, winning is everything! But, every once in a while, like the rest of us, these people too will lose (and no one wants to be around them when that happens!). It's not a question of "if", it's only a matter of "when" and "how often" and I believe that how we behave when faced with disappointment, loss, or simply whenever things don't go exactly our way, says a lot about who we are as people.

Even though none of us ever want to experience defeat, deep inside we all know it's bound to happen sooner or later. And what we dread, sometimes even more than the loss itself, is that accompanying sense of failure, of humiliation, that feeling of being "a loser". Much of this is self-inflicted but occasionally the winner (or winners) actually have a hand in it. We all know what sportsmanship is and isn't. Take Barry Bonds, for example (please!) - even a die hard Dodger fan like myself can appreciate the fact that he's an incredible baseball player who hits A LOT of home runs (damn it!). But no one really likes him. And why is that? I don't think it's simply because of his (alleged) steroid use, although that has to play a part. I think it's his character, his attitude that bothers pretty much anyone who sees him play. For example, the next time he hits one out of the park, just watch what he does. Most players accept that hitting the home run is victory enough, but for Barry it isn't. He stays at the plate, watches it go, and then slowly starts his trot around the bases. Why? To humiliate the pitcher, that's why. It's classless, unsportsmanlike and apparently he's the only person alive who doesn't realize how bad it makes him look. It is so unnecessary and has to make even the most loyal Giants fan feel a bit embarrassed. While on the other side of the spectrum (ahem), there's was man named Sandy Koufax; one of the greatest pitchers who ever lived. As Vin Sculley, the exceedingly personable and incredibly talented Dodger announcer (who has been calling for the team for over 55 years!), used to say, "Sandy was such a humble man, so much the gentleman, that he could strike out a side in nine pitches and walk off the field with his head down, as if he had somehow done something wrong." (Koufax is the reason I became, at the tender age of five, a lifelong Dodger fan; I mean, a left-handed Jew named Sandy? Come on! He was like a messenger from God!)

But rarely are we pitching to the likes of Barry Bonds (although I know Sandy could have gotten him out!), and most of us (we can only hope) have within ourselves the capacity to be gracious winners. So, in most cases, this shame and humiliation we feel after a loss is in our own heads and, despite knowing that, merely the thought of feeling this way sometimes causes us to remain in the battle much longer than we would or should. In these cases where we have already lost, we sometimes fight on in denial, thinking that somehow surrender would be even worse than our inevitable defeat. But it really isn't. For, like I said, I truly believe that how we lose says a lot about who we are as people. Sure, we are all terrified of being judged as weak or cowardly, even if we are only ones doing the judging. And, even though we have no trouble seeing it when others do it, we forget (when it's happening to us) how incredibly childish and pathetic it looks fighting a battle already lost and holding on to something which has long since gone. It is equally as important then, and perhaps even more so, to be as gracious in our defeats as we are in our victories; to know we gave it our best shot and to be willing to acknowledge our opponent; learn from the experience, and then, with our dignity in tow, walk away, our spirits high and ready to face the next battle before us.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run... -Kenny Rogers

When you hit the ball out of the park, run the bases - when you strike out, go back to the bench.
- Everybody

Being gracious in both our victories and our defeats. Letting Go. Moving on. Learning from our mistakes. Important skills to master. And maybe, in time, if we can just get a little better at these, we can ALL grow to appreciate our wins and our losses alike as both just parts of this long journey we're on. For, better or worse, we all will win some and we will all lose some...

That's Life.

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